Let it be known that at 13 months and 1 1/2 weeks Sebastian Oberg became a walker. No not a zombie, or an extra on The Walking Dead, although that has become a top contender for this years Halloween costume (if only I can figure out a way that doesn’t involve face paint). But really though this kid is up and full on walking. Sebastian Christopher Walken even. I had to shed a tear because of course I missed his true first steps (13 months and 1 day). Oh the sorrows of being a working parent. But I pushed the sad thoughts away when he finally let go of his dad’s fingers and headed towards me with his arms straight up in the air. Giggling in delight as he reached me and I enveloped him into my arms. Those tears were pure joy. Proud mama joy.
I can get swallowed up by alternatives. The grass is greener syndrome of always wanting what you don’t have. How do you differentiate day dreams vs real life “let’s make this happen” dreams? Does the fantasy ever live up to the reality?
But then there’s a part of me that feels like on the road of life i’m driving around with no destination and i’m stuck in traffic. Then my heart is punched with guilt because why isn’t this enough? Jason comes home from work and talks about how much he missed Baz during the day and i think it must be nice to be able to miss him. Just a little bit. Guilt punch number two.