seeing light

Outside the world seems to be going to shit (my thoughts are with Boston and Texas, and anyone affected by the flooding here in IL). It’s been a good week on our little homestead. I needed a good week. On Monday night Sebastian slept from around 8 pm to just after 6 am. It was the first time he hasn’t woken up at least once (usually 2 or even 3 times a night ) and while I did wake up a few times wondering if he was still alive, I got more hours of sleep in a row than I have since before he was born. I thought maybe it was a fluke, and certainly didn’t want to get my hopes up that it would become a regular thing. But he slept almost 10 hours in a row for the next 3 nights straight too. It’s like I’m a different person. The heaviness of the long term lack of sleep sneaked up on me like unexpected weight gain. I didn’t realize how affected I’d been from it until the fog lifted a little and I could peer into hindsight and see what a crazy person I’d been for who knows how long. My temper was short, my patience shorter and somehow anxiety (about nothing in particular) had creeped its way under my skin.

The little guy has been a giant ball of sunshine in an unusually cold and grey April. He’s crawling and climbing and giggling at mama doing silly things around the house. He’s napping and playing by himself so it feels less like my entire existence is following his little butt around.

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